This movie made me cry tears of joy 4 or five times. I could feel the hype from the festivals. I could feel it radiating from the trailer. I dont know what the fuck is going on here but ive got to find out if it's the last thing I do. It's fucking insane way past the point of no return right from the jump. These people are lost. They're fucking aggressively expllosively lost. They live a lifestyle that is completely outside of the normal laws of society every single day. They are guided by a sort of bloodthirsty lust for justice, and yet their animal instincts are in control all the time, allowing them to leap back and forth across the cultral and politcal border with no hope if ever understanding why. How the fuck did these folks get here? In over their heads, by a long shot. That fucking guy who invented alll the tech? Pulling strings behind the scenes for selfish reasons, able to easily manipulate a group of unstable and desperate people, then when the feds catch him he names names in a heart beat. It's always the least equipped who are impacted the most. But when they were young there was a fire for life, they fought for the future, they believed in waking up the next day, and setting the past on fire. But instead it ends up haunting them forever. This child, born of utterly bizarre circumstances, through strange psychological stragetgic fucking, is simply starting out with this past attached to her. shes the last shred of meaning this guy;s got left in this world, he has literally given up on everything else.
Excuse my rambling. This movie entirely overwhelmed me. just the poetic beauty of all these weird ass fucked up moments. The stakes are so fucking high. I don't kow man, she just wasn't the mom type, shes drinking with a bun in the oven, she's on this mission, you know and it doesn't include her. It includes fuckin shit up and getting fucked up and fucking. Its just this swarm of insane violent chaos and then this kid becomes the anchor the everyone revolves around,
A day later. It's been emotional. I love this movie so fucking much. It makes me want to cry just knowing this movie exists, and its still opening weekend. P.T.A. is one weird duck, man. He's all twisted and fucking lost and broken in all kinds of ways. The pit of doubt that he must have confronted to make this movie makes is absolutely terrifying and also compelling. A crazy, insane dangerous adventure seducing me even though im not brave enough to embark on it. Thinking in your mind "there's no way I can jump off this cliff, its way too scary." but your already 100 feet over the edge. This is what it's all about, this is absolutely uncompromising excellence.
Why endure the pain of creating something from nothing? Why?? What the fuck is wrong with you??
PTA stopped making movies for a while. After 2. He had Tom Cruise in his movie. PBH. the dude climbed a mountain got to the top. Stops. I have no fucking clue how long my movie is going to take. I look up at the mountain and its just dissapearing into the clouds. and Im like. I AM REACHING THE TOP OF THAT MOUNTAIN NO MATTER WHAT. I'm going to do it. Im gonna understand that fucking mountain. I will never stop trying, and I know it's possible. How? It stands to reason that everything that is possible was once considered impossible. At the end of the day, this is an engineering problem, like anything else. The insane mystery that was ONE BATTLE AFTER ANOTHER once did not exist. It dissapeared into the clouds. it took a few swings for paul to learn, but then he knew. He knew that no matter what, he had to finish that fucking movie. The pain is unbearable at times. The beauty, it's beyond beauty. A woman can be beautiful, a lake can be beautiful. But this film reaches beyond the limits of nature, and it reaches beyond the capacity for beauty any individual can radiate. I was born to witness this film. I've witnessed many things shitty and awesome. but some stuff, theres FOMO right? I wish i could have seen prince before he died, man before i die i want to see Nine Inch Nails live. But then sometimes, its not FOMO because you didn't miss out. You were there. and that's what this release is. i was there opening night adn cried and laughed . And I'm gonna go see it a bunch of times. And there's all kinds of shit I can't even reconcile about the world and my life. I want OUT, man. I don't accept these terms. and then life says, ok how about, same deal, but I'll throw in ONE BATTLE AFTER ANOTHER? and im like ok deal.